It seems freaking obvious to me that if people were just nice – supportive, friendly, helpful, call it whatever you like, we’d all be much happier. It makes sense in the plus-size world too. It’s a fat-phobic world we live in. I mean, don’t people know that the more you insult, belittle and hurt a fat girl, the more likely she is to find herself in the kitchen with her hand in the biscuit tin?
Have any of you fat girls out there EVER reacted to a nasty comment by thinking “I didn’t realise I was fat. I’d better go on a diet and I’ll start right now. Thank you for shouting insults at me from the safety of your car”
FYI that happened to me once. Years ago when I was much smaller. I actually cried all the way home and yes, I ate my way through all the carbs in the kitchen when I got there.
Nobody ever lost weight because they hated themself, which is what appals me about some of the crap I read online about fat people and obesity. Never mind that yeah, we can be just as healthy as you are (try telling the personal trainer who took me around the gym last week that I’m unfit, I reckon I surprised him too) but it’s the hatred that knocks me flat some days.
I think that’s why I find it hard to blog sometimes. It’s like I’m setting myself up to be knocked back down again. Why am I scared to let people see the real me? I read a lot about my ‘Authentic self’ and how being ‘authentic’ is the way forward. People whose blogs I love are out there, honest and raw, sometimes sad, sometimes fruit-loopy cheerful and sometimes I don’t actually agree with what they say but I sure as hell love to read them saying it.
I’m scared people won’t play nice if I’m raw and honest. I talk the talk and don’t walk it – I blog about diets being bullsh*t and then I diet and no, it doesn’t work. I tell you all that fat girls are awesome – but I don’t always think that I’m awesome myself. Hell, I have my awesome moments but I could probably do with some work in the chutzpah department.
How can I expect anyone to connect with me if I don’t let you see my true personality? My rainbow of moods, my hopping from one idea to another, my love of fashion and sparkly things, my spiritual side, my grumpy arse ‘who ate the last bag of marmite crisps’ side? I can sit here and type words about fashion, about bloggers I love, about how much our fat-phobic, misogynist society pisses me off sometimes…but if I don’t do it as ME then how will you know I didn’t just take the blog post from another plus-size positive blog and copy it into my own blog? And if I censor myself so that I don’t offend people I know in the plus size world, my friends, or even my mum, who HATES it when I swear in blog posts, then am I just putting on a front?
Existential questions hey? This is my full-fat stream of consciousness blog post, I’m fully aware it’s just flitted from subject to subject but from now on, I have to be real. No more image, no more carefully-constructed message posts, this is me. I’m fat, I’m feisty, sometimes I’m grumpy, mostly I like myself but secretly I wish I was slimmer because my knees hurt a bit, I get reflux and I hate having to buy all my clothes online. I don’t eat that well. I don’t like exercising in the winter (I like it a bit more when the sun comes out but in the winter it takes a LOT to get me to that gym.) I can’t drive – I wish I could but I failed three tests and now I’m so scared of driving that I don’t think I’ll ever take another one.
D’you want to know more about me, who I am, what I look like and how I think? Or do you think I should stick to decontructing media stories and posting things about all the other plus-size bloggers I secretly wish I was?
PS: The funky sunnies are from Urban Outfitters and cost £20 – if you love them like I do you can find them here
PPS: I’m already worrying that you’ll all think I’m slef-obsessed. Ah sod it. Here goes. *post*