Well, I hope it does, seeing as I’ve been away for a bit. In the spirit of truth and being honest, I’ve been angry at the world and SO not in the mood for rehashing my past or even talking about what’s going on now. Last week was officially shitty news week, starting with someone close to my heart, my dad, who has been in bad health for some time but now, well it’s hit me hard that mybe he’s not going to live forever after all. You know when you’re little, your parents seem like they are SO old, but at the same time, strangely immortal? I didn’t want to be proved otherwise.
I’ve also been mulling over the Goddamn unfairness of it all, confronted by illness and bereavement in other people I care about. It wouldn’t be fair of me to talk about them here on my blog, but even so, the rage and sadness I’ve felt on behalf of my friends has been eating me up…and yeah, I’ve been eating up the contents of the kitchen to make the bad stuff go away. Only it didn’t, it just gave me heartburn.
I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m fine. Actually I managed to stop the comfort eating in its tracks anyway and it only lasted for three days. I got back to walking training today; last week I shredded my heels with blisters and now I’m healed, so I managed nearly six miles in the sunshine, having a long think as I walked. I had a long chat with Cara Wilde today too..we’ve been trying TAT techniques, and they took me gently from being so stressed that I was in tears as I told Cara what was going on, to feeling much, much calmer and able to tackle the three hours I spent trying to make my computer work this afternoon. With minimal swearing.
If there’s anything all this bad stuff is teaching me, it’s that life doesn’t start tomorrow, or next week, or when you get a better job…and most definitely not when you lose weight. It’s here, it’s now, and I damn well have to make the most of it. Life is precious, it’s fragile and it’s impermanent. I’m going to make sure I spend as much time as I can with the people I love RIGHT now.
I’m saying yes to things I’m a bit scared of. I said yes to Zumba this week even though I’m rubbish at it. I’m glad I said yes to the marathon, because I need a goal, and I’ve never done anything like it before. I’m going to make damn sure that the people I love know how much I love them. I think it’s time I started crossing things off my Naughty Forty list. I might reproduce it here.
I’m still sad. But I’m going to be just fine. And I’ll be back with a dose of my life story told through the medium of diets very soon…