Absence makes the heart grow fonder

throw-your-toys-out-of-the-pramWell, I hope it does, seeing as I’ve been away for a bit. In the spirit of truth and being honest, I’ve been angry at the world and SO not in the mood for rehashing my past or even talking about what’s going on now. Last week was officially shitty news week, starting with someone close to my heart, my dad, who has been in bad health for some time but now, well it’s hit me hard that mybe he’s not going to live forever after all. You know when you’re little, your parents seem like they are SO old, but at the same time, strangely immortal? I didn’t want to be proved otherwise.

I’ve also been mulling over the Goddamn unfairness of it all, confronted by illness and bereavement in other people I care about. It wouldn’t be fair of me to talk about them here on my blog, but even so, the rage and sadness I’ve felt on behalf of my friends has been eating me up…and yeah, I’ve been eating up the contents of the kitchen to make the bad stuff go away. Only it didn’t, it just gave me heartburn.

I’m not looking for sympathy, I’m fine. Actually I managed to stop the comfort eating in its tracks anyway and it only lasted for three days. I got back to walking training today; last week I shredded my heels with blisters and now I’m healed, so I managed nearly six miles in the sunshine, having a long think as I walked. I had a long chat with Cara Wilde today too..we’ve been trying TAT techniques, and they took me gently from being so stressed that I was in tears as I told Cara what was going on, to feeling much, much calmer and able to tackle the three hours I spent trying to make my computer work this afternoon. With minimal swearing.

If there’s anything all this bad stuff is teaching me, it’s that life doesn’t start tomorrow, or next week, or when you get a better job…and most definitely not when you lose weight. It’s here, it’s now, and I damn well have to make the most of it. Life is precious, it’s fragile and it’s impermanent. I’m going to make sure I spend as much time as I can with the people I love RIGHT now.

I’m saying yes to things I’m a bit scared of. I said yes to Zumba this week even though I’m rubbish at it. I’m glad I said yes to the marathon, because I need a goal, and I’ve never done anything like it before. I’m going to make damn sure that the people I love know how much I love them. I think it’s time I started crossing things off my Naughty Forty list. I might reproduce it here.

I’m still sad. But I’m going to be just fine. And I’ll be back with a dose of my life story told through the medium of diets very soon…

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5 Comments

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5 responses to “Absence makes the heart grow fonder

  1. Life is most definately too short to take anything for granted or for putting things off. We all think we have forever to do all of things we want to do and we wait and wait…….but the time to do things is NOW. I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so awful hunni, it will get better. *hugs* xxxxx

  2. Hey I understand. My Dad passed away Sunday just gone, and I’m going through the same as you and as I write this I am eating a bag of chocolate buttons, I don’t want them but it is because they are there and I can. I’m 40 in November and I love the idea of a naughty forty list so I’m gonna make one. Life is too short to hold a grudge so I say kick it in the whatsits and do something positive. x

    • I saw your post on FB – it’s a horrible time for you, don’t stress about chocolate buttons! I’m hoping dad’s going to rally, that he just needs the right treatment, and trying to sty positive…it does bring it all home when you’re in hospital with a loved one though. It sucks. monumentally, hideously and awfully. I wanted to make it all better and there’s f*** all I could do. Kind of reverse roles from childhood I guess. I think we should make a pact to LIVE…really live. Loads of love to you and your family xx

  3. Aw sweetie. Ok, I know you don’t want sympathy, but here’s a big virtual hug for you anyway ((((((((((((((((:-D)))))))))))))))) I agree, when people close to you are really sick (or worse), it gives you a huge kick in the pants to go LIVE your life. So good for you for saying yes to scary things. And I am sending healing light and love to you and your dad. xxx

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