I’ve started this post so many times now that sod it, I’m just going to write it as it comes and see what happens. Honesty and all that..
My diet head is screaming at me right now. All day yesterday it was telling me I was a fat cow and should go on a diet. I even had the old Slimming World recipe books out. My clothes are getting tight, the walking routine has been filed under ‘when I get around to it’ and the chances that I’ll do the marathon in September are remote because my walking buddy has dropped out and you know what else? I can’t be arsed to think about it. Or getting there. Or training. Or booking a hotel for the night.
Thank the Lord for leggings at the moment. For weeks I’ve been telling myself I should look after my body, I have to stay strong and not get poorly. People need me. But then I get home, stuff down entire bars of Dairy Milk with jelly beans in and knock back Pinot Grigio. Then I get horrible IBS and reflux and kick myself for doing it, but it’s like I don’t really care.
That’s why I’ve been offline with the fat girl blog. I haven’t been in the mood for it, I’ve not been feeling positive and I haven’t had time. This weekend has been the first one in as long as I can remember that I haven’t been in Ipswich for at least part of it, seeing my dad in hospital or at home. I feel as if I want to be around my family all the time but I also want to be with Moley, who’s being a complete and utter star and so, so supportive when I’m being a bitch, eating like a pig, or can’t be arsed to cook tea yet again.
Still, I have to get my head back on straight and I’m going to use this weekend to do it. I’m studying books on Emotional Freedom Technique, and I’ve been having sessions with Cara Wilde who has succeeded in breaking my addiction to Marmite crisps! I’m coming to a lot of conclusions about myself – one of the reasons I hate doing any kind of fitness or healthy eating routine is that I bloody hate being told what to do. I always know better! Oops. That’s why I really am better off self-employed.
There are some great EFT resources if you fancy trying it, I’m reading EFT for Weight Loss at the moment and there are a lot of helpful videos, plus Cara’s own page has some good links. I want to do some of the work in the book on cravings and reasons for overeating, but guess what…until now I haven’t had the time!
I’m trying to ignore the snarky ‘fat cow’ voice in my head, although as I dive head first into a bag of Kettle Chips that’s proving difficult. But I need to stay on top of things. I need to be positive and I owe it to myself, and everyone in my family, to make every day count. I guess the thought of losing someone dear to you makes you realise that….
I’ll be back when I can with another update and more of the life story…