Men. Some of them have a type, and more often and not, they like us to think that it’s young and slim. With big boobs, of course.
Some men genuinely don’t have a type, and so they’re attracted to slim girls, fat girls and anything in between. Men like this are fab. I’m married to one, and he’s the best. It’s sometimes hard to believe men who say they genuinely don’t care whether their girlfriend is slim, brainwashed like we are with the idea that unless we fit the mould, nobody is ever going to look twice at us. (By the way, this applies to gay women as well, of course.)
But what about the kind of man who only fancies big girls? The bigger the better, in fact?
Popular opinion says that fat women should be grateful for any crumb of sexual attention that’s thrown our way. But that never worked for me. I’m a person too, I have standards, and to be honest, being someone’s ‘type’ based just on my size used to piss me off just as much as the ignorant eejits who would tell me quite happily that they would never go out with a girl with a fat bum. Yep, I actually got that when I was dating. His loss, totally.
Have you ever come across a BBW lover? I have. OK, I signed up to the BBW dating sites years ago when I was newly single, but I soon abandoned them as they seemed to be full of people who thought that because I was big, I had fat cells in place of brain cells and would believe them when they told me I was their dream woman and gushed over how perfect I would be for them before we’d so much as swapped names.
Either that or they were full of men who thought that fat women were easy targets for sex, and that it didn’t matter how creepy they were, I would still be desperate for their attention and want to send them pictures of my boobs, again before swapping anything more than dating site profile details.
I always wanted a man who would love and fancy me because of who I was, because he thought I was gorgeous as I am, but not just because I was fat. Does that sound weird? I guess it’s just because to me, being judged purely on my physical proportions reminds me of when I was 17 and a spotty git I was a bit besotted with said that he only took me out on a date because I had big boobs. And that he wouldn’t go out with me properly because I was too fat, anyway.
It just makes me feel a bit uneasy. Love me for who I am, not my dress size or bra size – whether that’s’the perfect ten or plus size.
Men who only fancy fat girls aren’t all seedy pervs who just want to see how far they can get with a woman of substance, though. I was really good mates with a guy I worked with once, without realising that he had a mammoth crush on me. We’d always got on well, he had my back in the office. We’d spend hours wasting time over a drink at lunchtime, we lift shared for a while, and I considered him a really good friend.
He was always the perfect gent, never came on to me, but made it clear he thought a lot of me. I suppose if I hadn’t been living with someone who made me feel fat, frigid and repulsive, I might have noticed that he had the hots for me, but I never did. Not until just before he left the office and moved miles away, anyway. By then he had started pushing the boundaries; he’d sent me a few emails that were a bit cheeky, we’d started chatting on MSN and by text outside of work, and we’d had a few flirty conversations…but apart from staring at my cleavage a bit too long and the odd hug, nothing ever happened.
It wasn’t until after he’d gone, and I was missing hanging out with him, that someone told me about the office rumours – people assumed we’d been having an affair. I was mortified, yeah, he’d declared his feelings to me in secret by then but I was married and two-timing wasn’t my style. Even if my husband at the time was cruel to me, and I’d enjoyed the flirtation, that was all it had been. Then, the killer statement, from the person who told me about the rumours; “Well. you know he has a real thing about big women, don’t you?”
No. I didn’t.
I felt a bit yucky then. Not just that people had thought I’d been sleeping with my mate, but that they thought he must have been getting into my knickers because he fancied fat girls. And I was, clearly, fat. So I would have had no reason to stop him.
Between you and me, he has since admitted that he was a bit besotted, ever since the first time he saw me in the office. He had some kind of thing about me being his perfect woman back then and I think the fact that I wasn’t stupid, we could have a good laugh together and have a damn good rant/bitch about office politics just made him like me more. I prefer to think that it wasn’t just a fat girl thing, he really did like me for who I was. Not that it matters now, as we’re both happily married to other people. It kind of made it better for me, the fact it wasn’t just my chubby rolls and squidgy thighs he was thinking about.
I don’t know what made me think about it all recently, I’ve seen a few blog posts about men who have a ‘fetish’ for fat women, and I object to being someone’s fetish! I’m a woman, with feelings beyond my taste buds, and I get my tail feathers all twisted up at the thought of anyone fetishising me over my size.
What do you think of the BBW scene? BBW dating? Fat fetishes? Just a bit of harmless fun, or just as bad as the kind of man who refuses to consider a woman over a size eight?