Tag Archives: diet

When all the light bulbs come on at once….

Have you got a cup of tea and a biscuit? This might take some time.

Continental_Brands_187591822

I’ve had a couple of pretty massive light bulb moments in the last day. It’s like someone’s watching over me and doing a face palm “She finally got it!”

The first one was last night.

I’ve got so many ideas for things I want to do with Gorgeously Full Fat, book writing and my copy writing business. I’ve been talking websites, videos, ebooks, courses. I’m doing training, I’m reading up on everything from social media marketing to membership groups. The ideas are all great and I still want to do them but you know what?

I’m mentally drained. I just can’t seem to get my head in ‘that place’ and it’s all I can do most days to do the bog standard stuff I have to do to pay the bills, let alone develop my business.

I wake up every day with back ache.  Gym? Swimming? Walking? You’re joking, right? My joints ache, my back hurts, my head aches. I’ve been swallowing painkillers like sweeties and they don’t have as much effect as they did anymore. I can’t concentrate so I’m scrabbling in the kitchen for food all afternoon and by 8pm I just want to go to bed.

I know this ain’t good.

Last night I decided I’d had enough. I was going to stop putting so much pressure on myself to do three days work in one day, and slow down a bit, even if it means putting my plans for global domination as a fat super heroine on hold for a bit. I binge on work. If I have to write eight 500 word articles for a client, instead of doing four a day for a couple of days, I have to do them all in one sitting. I’ve sat up ’til midnight when I didn’t need to before just to finish off the last one of a series I’d promised a client. I sit here at 9,10, 11 pm checking clients’ Twitter feeds. I forget that last year a client showed me just how disposable copywriters are and dumped my arse with no warning after I’d been putting myself out for them nearly three years. I don’t HAVE to work myself into the ground for anyone.

I decided that I was going to start looking after myself instead. I never get to the gym because I’ve always got too much work to do; so instead of waiting till I’ve finished working before I go, I’m going before work again.

This did almost end in tears earlier when I dug out my old Cindy Crawford DVD and made a sorry attempt at doing the moves I used to do when I was 24. I didn’t make it past the warm up. These knees aren’t made to do lunges and there’s no freaking way I’m jumping up and down. I decided ‘bugger this, I’m off to the gym.’

Two hours later I’d cycled 10k on the bike, done 20 minutes stomping on the treadmill and walked all the way home. I did hurt a bit but I proved I could do it!

This took me on to the second light bulb moment.

Ickworth House

Me….as I am now.

 

I get loads of blogs emailed through to me daily on all sorts of subjects and TBH a lot of them get deleted without opening. One of them is from ‘Fierce Freethinking Fatties‘ which is a daily blog written by lots of different bloggers, and one that I’ve been deleting has been Eat the food’. I knew it mentioned calorie counting and I just didn’t want to know.

Today I don’t know why, but I just clicked on it. Turns out that the writer, Shaunta, is just like me! She knows diets don’t work, but really struggles to fully embrace eating normally and not trying to restrict food. She started an experiment at the start of this year – eating ENOUGH. It sounds ridiculous, I know, but hear me out.

Shaunta was over 25 stone, but tried really hard to exercise. It hurt. A lot. She tried running, and ended up in pain. She necked painkillers every day. Her back hurt, her joints ached and she hit a wall energy wise in mid afternoon. She binged – but when she wasn’t binging she tried to stick to about 1800 calories per day.

Then, she read about Go Kaleo (don’t let the name put you off) and realised she was actually eating less than she needed to feed her Basal Metabolic rate (the bare minimum you need to keep your organs functioning, even if you stay in bed all day) at 1800 calories per day. No wonder she was tired.

She worked out that she needed to eat a LOT more to be able to be active, energetic and alert. So she set herself a MINIMUM calorie target and that was 2500 a day. To most people who’ve been on and off diets all their lives, like me, that’s HUGE. We’re brainwashed into restricting to 1200, 1500 or even 1000…but come on, when you’re 15, 20, 25 stone, your body needs much more to eat than that.

Shall I give this theory a test run? I’ve worked out that on a do-nothing day, where I don’t even move out of bed (Like I ever get one of those) I need 1850 calories. If I just dawdle about all day and don’t do a lot, I need more. If I go to the gym or walk for an hour around the block, or swim for an hour, I need a lot more. My TDEE or total daily energy expenditure if I manage to exercise 3-4 times a week is almost 2800. So, if I aim for a MINIMUM of 2200 a day, t cover basic body functions, a bit of pottering and a few days where I exercise a week, it should give me the energy I need to actually get fit and feel better…

Calorie counting goes totally against my beliefs, but what really swung me was that when Shaunta started it had an unexpected effect; she stopped binge eating and all the Health at Every Size principles started to drop into place. She had way more energy, slept better, ate better quality food, stopped bingeing and after 100 days she’d lost weight. LOST weight.

I just want to feel better. I really do. I hate dieting and refuse to do it. So, I’m going to commit to doing this for 100 days, like Shaunta did, and also doing an hour’s exercise at LEAST 3 times a week. I’m aiming for a minimum of 2200 calories a day for now. Thinking about that, it sounds like a lot. It’s also a minimum, not a maximum.

Looking after myself, not getting so stressed about work, doing more exercise and eating enough to give me the energy I need….pretty radical stuff, hey? I’ll update you next week on how it’s going…

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Eating Enough, Food and diets, My weight story

Why are we all getting fat?

images doughnuts“The obesity epidemic.”

It’s a phrase that’s bandied around to scare fat people into feeling as if their condition is contagious, and perhaps they should be put into quarantine where no perfect thin people can see them until they are thin enough for society to handle.

But what’s caused it?

The government and most slimming companies say it’s fat. Low carb afficionados say it’s sugar. Some people think it’s all because we’re living in a junk food filled obesogenic environment where high calorie food is cheap and exercise optional. Daily Mail commentators believe it’s because we’re all lazy, greedy and worthless.

I’ve long believed that it’s none of the above. OK, if we’re going to be honest, yes people are fat because they eat too much. That’s bleedin’ obvious. But why? Why are people eating and overeating to the extent that they are affecting their health, whether it’s their physical health or their emotional well being that’s at risk?

There’s no doubt that things have got worse over the last 20-30 years. At the same time, the message that we have to be thin has increased in volume and is assaulting us from all angles.  I grew up in the 80s when there was only one magazine devoted to dieting in the UK, Slimming magazine. There were no celebrity trash rags like Closer, Now or Heat, splashing fat/thin/pregnant/over-botoxed celebrities on the cover and pulling their appearances to pieces for entertainment. There was no Internet. No mobile phones for selfies, no Twitter or Facebook.

Heat

There were no faux-concerned MPs making a big deal about reducing the number of fat people (why not just shoot them?)

You could argue that 25 years ago, there was no need for any of the above because there weren’t so many fat people. But look at it this way. Everywhere we go, we’re bombarded with the idea that we’re fat. Or if we’re not fat already, if we’re not careful, we could end up fat. we’ve all grown up thinking that being or even eating fat is a BAD thing. And this obsession with weight, wrapped up in pretend concern for our health, is so ingrained in our psyches that we find it really hard to ignore it. Of course, some people ignore it. These lucky people are the ones who have a normal relationship with food and rarely give their weight a thought.

Most of us fight an ongoing battle with food, even if we don’t think we do. If you worry that you’re going to get fat if you eat whatever you like, deny yourself certain foods to avoid putting on weight (but secretly crave them), think of certain foods as off-limits because you know you won’t be able to stop eating them once you open that packet…you’re caught up in it too. Even if you aren’t fat.

Have you ever wondered why the first thing you do when you plan a diet is stuff your face for the entire weekend before you start?(nobody ever starts a diet on a Wednesday afternoon, do they) It’s how your brain is wired. It’s not just a case of wanting what you can’t have – it’s a throwback to when we lived in caves. I’m not talking about the Paleo diet either. We have two sides to our brain, the conscious and sub-conscious, and the sub-conscious is automatic. It does things for us without us asking it to, like making us breathe, making us feel thirsty when we need a drink, making us feel hungry. Although eating, breathing and drinking are all under our physical control, we get very strong signals to do all three when we need to, and if you’ve ever tried not breathing, you’ll realise that you physically can’t do it for too long before your brain takes over and makes you take that breath whether you like it or not.

It’s the same with food. Your subconscious brain picks up on very subtle cues, and all it wants to do is look out for you, so when it gets wind of the fact that you’re having a fat day and thinking of going on another diet, it starts you thinking about food. It thinks there’s a famine coming. It knows that when you have that feeling, it ends up hungry, so it does everything it can to make you think of food constantly until you give in. It’s out of your control, even if it’s irrational. It’s the same kind of irrational reaction that makes you jump when someone leaps out on you in the dark, or freak out over a harmless two inch house spider. The threat of an oncoming diet spurs your protective mechanisms into making you think of food…all the time.

decisions2

So how does that make people fat?

To put it in simple terms, just thinking you’re too fat and have to go on a diet will make your subconscious bully you into eating things you don’t let yourself eat when you’re on a diet. Some people can use enormous amounts of willpower to resist the subconscious’ nagging. Some people manage it for a very long time and do lose weight. But 95% of them will put it back on as soon as they give up that control, and many end up back where they were or even bigger.

And everywhere, all over the place, are people, magazines, TV shows, websites and more telling us we’re too fat.

We’re constantly scaring our subconscious into making us obsess about food!

How do we stop it, though? That, my darlings, is the tricky bit.

(All this is also explained in much better detail along with some really good ways to switch off the automatic reaction, stop the overeating before it starts, and get a normal relationship with food again in ‘Eat less without trying to eat less‘ by Sue Thomason.)

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Extreme Self Care

selfcareIt’s a bit of a buzzword at the moment, or should that be a ‘buzz-phrase’?

Extreme self care sounds like it’s probably way over the top. Too much. Not for the likes of us, but for hippy types who have nothing better to do than sit around chanting and meditating.

I kind of thought it was a bit self indulgent, to be honest. Selfish even. I mean, the thought of being selfish, putting my needs first and just doing things for me – like I’d have time, right?

Well, after having a lovely chat with Donna Highton, otherwise known as Donna on the Beach, I realised that I had it all wrong. Looking after yourself is vital, and even more so when you’re busy as hell and don’t think you have the time to go for a wee, let alone indulge yourself and chill out.

Don’t think so? Neither did I until this week. But Donna explained to me in words that even a stressed out copywriter can understand. I came across Donna via The Amazing Biz and Life group, and I love her for being down to earth, practical, funny and even a little bit sweary. If you have a car that you need to get you to work and back, you make sure it’s filled with fuel, serviced and taken care of. If you try and run the car on vapours and neglect it, eventually it will just stop running and won’t be in any state to get you anywhere. Well, the same goes for your body and soul. All the time you’re not taking care of your body and soul, running on empty, not making sure you get what you need, you’re just buying time until your body just says, “Sod this, I can’t go any further”

That’s when you get poorly, catch a cold, have a bit of a meltdown, and if you’re actually listening, you’ll realise that you’re being told to sit the hell down and rest. Eat some decent food and watch TV, dammit! If you carry on, and on…well, you’re going to crash.

I realised I’m at the “Listen to me, will you?” point. I’m trying to deal with the symptoms of lots of little pesky ailments, but the underlying cause is stress. And funnily enough, much as I REALLY hate to admit it, my diet. I’ve cut wheat out of my diet as an experiment, after reading ‘Wheat Belly’ – and I haven’t needed to take acid reflux pills for two days, my tummy has settled down, and I think my skin rash is clearing up…the one I’ve had a YEAR which hasn’t responded to anything yet. This makes me SO happy.

Even if I miss cake. Anyway, the food experiment was just a part of my self-care routine. I’ve also been trying to do something nice for myself every day, whether it’s an hour reading a book, going for a walk in the park, or listening to a meditation MP3. It’s working, I feel happier, more creative and more productive already. I think I’ve gone from a 2 out of 10 in the “How cared for do you feel?” to at least a 5.

I love that I actually listened to Donna on this! She has a fab e-book you can download for free if you sign up to her blog; and also the 110 Steps to Heal Your Money e-book is free this weekend. I’m working my way through the money e-book because, well, I have a wedding to pay for… I’ll keep you posted on how the wheat-avoidance goes, but if a little bit of diet-tweaking can cure three ailments in one go, I’m gonna be a happy girl…

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Filed under Amazing Biz and Life Academy, General, Lifestyle, Relentlessly Positive

“I’ve had my weight problems but I think that makes me a normal person.”

Self-confessed yo -yo dieter actress Natalie Cassidy reveals how she finally learned to love herself.

Natalie Cassidy

Happy to be able to ease into a pair of size 10 jeans and at the weight she wants to stay forever, it hasn’t always been the same for bubbly ex-east Enders star Natalie Cassidy, 29. She worried fans when she ditched four stone for the launch of her best-selling DVD, admitting to taking laxatives to her drop  the last few dress sizes only to shoot back up to a size 16 months later and her weight has been on public display right ever since.

“It’s true to say I’ve never had an easy relationship with food, even as a teenager I struggled to maintain a regular weight and I suppose it suited me to play Sonia in East Enders as she was the “fat” one who didn’t have to look too glamorous. It still hurt when I saw pictures of me in a bikini with the headline “beached whale”

“After that I did lose weight. I tried everything from the Cabbage Soup to the Atkins plan but whenever something big happened in my life it affected my weight. When my good friend and co-star on East Enders Wendy Richard died people accused me of comfort eating but it wasn’t like that – I just lost the motivation to diet.”

It was when Natalie was at her slimmest that she really suffered. “I was asked to do a fitness DVD and I saw it as a way to get back into shape but I ended up getting out of control. I went from a size 16 to a tiny size 8 in just weeks.”  Natalie was living in a tracksuit and felt hungry all the time, and she admits she became obsessed with food, eating only an apple at meal times, and was “tired all the time.”

“One day I just snapped, went home, began to eat and piled the weight back on again.”

Months later Natalie got the chance to appear on Strictly, and for once she didn’t have to diet, she dropped two dress sizes naturally and felt fabulous.  “Just after the series I fell pregnant and did put weight on again but I think having Eliza proved the turning point when it came to yo-yo dieting:  I suddenly realised there was something in my life that was more important than me and how I looked.”

To help her lose her mummy tummy Natalie enlisted the help of personal trainer Rob Horslen who gave her a programme of walking, fitness and weights as well as a diet that’s helped her achieve her new curvy size 10 shape and made her feel sexy again. “I’ve lost 1 st 2lbs just by being sensible.  I prepared all my meals myself so I knew exactly what I was putting in. I stuck to a high protein and veg diet of 1,200 calories a day and cut out carbs completely.”

Natalie trains six days a week, working on her upper body one day and lower the next with a high intensity cardio in between and reckons she the fittest she’s ever been. “I’ve even found a herbal supplement called Thisilyn Artichoke that’s helped with my bloating problem. I might never have a totally flat stomach but this really helped when I’ve eaten too much pasta or bread. “

Natalie is Ambassador for the Health Lottery, something she’s really proud of: “I’ve had my weight problems but I think that makes me a normal person. I want women to be realistic about dieting, it’s not just something you start every January, a diet should be a way of life. I want to be a role model for women who’ve had the same problems as me, I’d like to think they can look at me and achieve their goals, too.”

Natalie uses Thisilyn Artichoke which has helped her to beat the bloat and maintain a healthy digestion. Available from Boots, (7.99 for 30 capsules for 30) visit www.thisilynartichoke.co.uk for details.

Thanks to Abby Knight for this interview, which was scheduled to appear in the March issue of Inspired Magazine…another one that wasn’t published!

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The hard stuff

1996Right. This is where it gets a bit emo, so I’m just going to type it all in some kind of stream of consciousness BLAH style and go back later to tidy up the typos. I have to get this one started as I’m starting to dream about Husband #2 and ‘L’ for reasons you’ll discover…all in good time!

So I moved back to Ipswich, back in with my parents, and I may as well have turned 15 again. I hadn’t dealt with my feelings about my parents and growing up, I was still pretty fricking immature really, and I reverted to behaving like a stroppy teenager. This situation was exacerbated by the fact that my parents didn’t like my boyfriend. They thought it was too soon after Husband #1. We’d been ‘separated’ five months but OK, to be fair it looked bad as I was seeing him less than a week after moving out of the marital home. Never mind that a few days later I was legally single again as the divorce came through in August 1996. So, I was fed up, temping in a badly paid job, living with my parents and had a boyfriend who lived in the next county. Sounds depressingly familiar. I spent a lot of time in my bedroom, eating like it was 1989.

With my parents’ disapproval spurring me on like a rebellious teenager, I spent hours in phone boxes talking to him, writing letters and seeing him as often as I could. The more they tried to keep us apart the more I dug my heels in. It was good to start with anyway;  we had a good time together and he actually seemed to have me up on some kind of ‘older woman’ pedestal. His family were OK so I went to stay with his parents a lot, and with cooperative friends who took pity on us like we were some kind of 1990s Cathy and Heathcliffe.

The weight stacked on, and after a particularly gluttonous Christmas and a New Year spent in Loughborough drinking with an old schoolfriend, I was well into my size 16s again. I was planning to move in with an ex-workmate in January 1997 so I just figured I’d join Weight Watchers in the new year, as they had a free membership offer on.

Just before Christmas, I’d started work for Ipswich Trading Standards. This job, which I’d thought would be just like the job I’d loved so much in Cambridge, was meant to be the start of settling down again. I’d have a permanent job, I could get a house (this was the 90s, remember, it was easy back then) and I wouldn’t be at the mercy of parental dictats or a badly paid job.

1997Ha bloody ha. So I moved in with the workmate from my temping job, who expressly made a point of selling me the idea by saying H #2 could stay whenever he wanted. So he did. And she made it very clear that she didn’t actually want him there after all. Or me, to be fair. She’d asked me to move in because she wanted help paying her mortgage but in all honesty she hated sharing the house with me and I was looking for a house of my own within two months.

I joined Weightwatchers in January 1997 but soon found every excuse possible not to go to meetings. I was back to well over 12 stone again by then. Not exactly ‘Big Body Squad’ material but still bigger than I’d been for a couple of years. I put it down to enjoying alcohol and going out to eat a bit too much but in all honesty, there was some pigging out going on if I ever got the house to myself. I didn’t very often, which saved me from going too mad. I lost sod all though, of course, and gave Weightwatchers up as a bad idea very soon. All that point counting had just added to calories, Syns and Fat Units in my daily battle against myself. I didn’t like what I saw in the mirror but wasn’t sufficiently bothered enough to diet very often. After all, my 20 year old boyfriend liked me as I was.

So…how come I got really fat? Well it started in 1997. My line manager was a woman I’ll call ‘V’, a frustrated and really quite bitter ex-dancer and model who was getting close to 60 and was exceptionally jealous of any woman cleverer than her. Which to be fair was most of the women in the office who had got there through merit and qualification rather than knowing someone. She was incredibly thin, and looked at chubby ol’ me with disdain. To start with, she didn’t pick on me, because she was already bullying another girl, but when her victim left after being signed off for months with depression, there were two girls left to choose from, and I made the schoolgirl error of not siding with V against the other girl. The other girl realised she was better off on the boss’ side and before I knew it, I was the Chosen One.

I don’t know why V felt the need to try and undermine me at every turn, but she did. She had an obnoxious habit of calling me into the office at every given opportunity for some minor transgression or another and making me feel permanently on edge. She’d tell me I’d done something wrong when I patently hadn’t and everyone else knew I hadn’t. She’d change the letters I’d written before they were sent out, just because she had to make a point, and usually made some really bad spelling or grammar error that I’d change back and hope she wouldn’t notice. Not only that, but she commented on my weight, remarking on what I ate and asking whether I was “still on a diet.” During one humiliating episode, V and the other girl ganged up on me in front of everyone else and started interrogating me about my diet, which culminated in one of them actually asking me, “So, Sarah, how much DO you actually weigh now?” – I remember the other girl, who’d been chubby herself, saying, “You must weigh more than me now?” I was mortified.

weightwatchersIt was hell. By now I’d bought my first house, a gorgeous Victorian terraced house with three bedrooms, and had a lodger. She was the sister of a really good friend and we got along well. The truth was that even with a £32,000 mortgage I was struggling a bit. When I walked out of my first marriage I took hardly anything, used the money I got from him buying me out as a deposit on my house and had to start from scratch. On a salary of about £13K. I was being bombarded with cheap credit offers and I had a house with three bedrooms, two reception rooms and no furniture. To compound everything I was getting into debt and I’d also find myself buying ‘little things’ to cheer myself up. A book here, a nail polish there…

kickers

I actually had these shoes. Still no fashion sense.

…and food. My lodger, who was lovely, was also away a lot. I was completely free most nights to stuff my face with anything I wanted, and so I did. In between buying diet books and rejoining Weightwatchers and Slimming World, which had relaxed its rules and now let you have fruit all day too for ‘free’, I also signed up for an online ‘Weight Loss Consultant’ course. Yes, really. And I passed it with flying colours as my arse got bigger. I’d feast on fish finger sandwiches and potato waffle sandwiches late at night, biscuits, Chinese from the place down the road, you name it.

Husband #2 moved in with me in 1998. We had a HUGE argument about my money situation which he accused me of lying to him about. My argument was that I had no need to tell him about it, until he decided to move in with me. It didn’t put him off enough to move back OUT, of course. Well why would he, he had a ready made home to move into that someone else had bought and kitted out, and he could go from one Mummy to another…

zest1Over the course of 1997-98 I developed the worst habit possible; I would start every day telling myself I was going to diet, but by the time I got to Sainsburys on my way to work, I would be in such a foul mood that I’d forget all about it and find myself in the supermarket buying crisps, biscuits, cakes, pork pies, all junk food. It was disgusting. I’d hide them all in my drawer at work and eat my way through them during the day. Sometimes I’d go out and get more at lunchtime, too. Then, I’d be so disgusted with myself because I’d done it again that I’d force myself to take the stash home and finish it before H#2 got home from work. I’d make myself feel sick, telling myself that if I made myself feel crap (again) I wouldn’t do it tomorrow, and that I deserved it for having no self control. I was punishing myself on a daily basis. I’d often pick up a magazine on my way home, telling myself the images of slim, beautiful women would inspire me. Did they b*ll*cks!!??

I hated myself by now. I was over 13 stone at the start of 1998, and back at Weightwatchers. I even tried kickboxing with a friend, but when we got to the bit where I had to actually hit someone, I wussed out. I had to hold on to the bathroom walls as I lowered myself onto the loo for about three days after my first session, I didn’t think anything could hurt so much!

I joined the local authority gym and went for a while…I actually didn’t mind it, and when I had been getting on with the other girl in the office, before she turned into a bitch, we went swimming together. I will always remember the time I was in the middle of doing ab crunches with my arse in the air, and as I looked through my legs at the person walking past, caught sight of one of my biggest school crushes. Bugger! He said hi, and grinned at me. There wasn’t a lot I could do other than grin back.

It was around the summer of 1998 that I realised I had an *actual* problem. And turned myself into a professional victim…

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Fat Shaming

scalesSomething happened to a friend of mine today which pissed me off so much (sorry Mum) that I just had to write about it. I’d love to know if you think I’m over-reacting.

OK, so I have a lovely friend called Rachel. I’ve never met her in real life but we talk on Facebook a lot and she’s funny, very smiley and clever. She’s the kind of person who always has a kind word to say, some advice or a word or two to pep anyone up who’s having a hard time. Rachel has had a tough time of it herself for one reason and another and she’s been treated for depression.

So today she told me that she’d been to the doctor for a non-weight related issue, and the nurse insisted on weighing her. I’m sure Rach won’t mind me saying that yes, she is significantly overweight, big enough that it’s not going to be a huge shock to find she’s in the obese section on the BMI charts. Not that you have to be enormous to be in that section anyway. but she knows she’s big, like most fat people do. She didn’t want to weigh herself. Like a lot of people with weight problems, she struggles with low self-esteem and has been working really hard to be positive despite her feelings about her weight. The nurse wouldn’t take no for an answer. Of course, when she looked at the scales, the nurse proceeded to lecture her about doing something about her weight, and even though she wasn’t actually nasty, Rachel left the surgery feeling like crap.

Why did she need to do it? I don’t get it. If someone is clearly overweight, they already KNOW they are. They don’t need to be humiliated and lectured, that fat didn’t just appear overnight, most of us have been struggling for years with diet after diet. we’re constantly reminded that we’re fat and disgusting, unfit and unhealthy, so why do we need the numbers? Why do we have to be humiliated by medical professionals who continue to tell us that diets are the only way to lose weight (yeah right) and who suggest a diet sheet for people with eating disorders because they can’t be arsed to fork out for proper help?

Anyway. Rachel has been distraught all afternoon. She’s gone on that horrible downward spiral, getting very upset, weighing herself again on the wii, just to make herself feel even worse, and beating herself up with the “I’m fat and useless” stick. All because that nurse insisted on weighing her for no obvious reason. This is what Rachel wrote, and she’s given me permission to share it. I think lots of people will understand…and Rachy, you’re very talented.

They say you should be happy, you’re lovely as you are.
They say embrace your body and your mind will take you far.
They say that diets make you fat and so you shouldn’t try,
So why do I just want to cry?

They say that once you’re happy with yourself then you’ll be free
They say that when your head is straight, then comes the real ‘me’,
They say that if you want to change then what will be will be,
So why do I just feel so lost?

Perhaps the time has come when I should just give in,
Realise for once that I will never be thin,
Put all ideas of being gorgeous firmly in the bin,
So why does that make me feel so sad?

I need to make some changes to my life, but what are they?
I need to do something positive to help myself each day,
Until I do, these thoughts will never go away.
So why can’t I do this for me?

By Rachel Townsend.

Isn’t it brilliant? I just had to share it. Now I’m off to calm myself down – I’d really like your opinions on the whole bullying fat people thing though. Am I being sensitive? Should the nurse have respected Rachel’s wishes NOT to be weighed just for the sake of it?

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